Activating the Grief Recovery Process - Makes Room for Life to Begin Again
Without understanding grief processing, twin flamers can feel confused and misled by well-intended friends or family who may say you just need to “let it go” and move on. This vague suggestion leaves people feeling hopeless, resentful, or as if there is something more they should be doing that they are not, or that their intuition is wrong.
The twin flame journey is one of a thousand losses.
Impossible roadblocks, slow text responses, unlived life plans, confusing signals, abandonment by God, extreme highs that are impossible to replicate with others, etc.
Two of the most renowned leaders in healing grief are John James and Russell Friedman authors of The Grief Recovery Handbook. This handbook teaches that losses can be reconciled and integrated, allowing people to move beyond the excruciating pain the loss has caused by making amends, leaving twin flamers to feel more resolved in their hearts.
Twin flamers have said cancer, divorce and even losing loved ones to death have been easier to process than coming to terms with their twin flame not being in their life anymore.
In the case of unfulfilled twin flame connections or lost loves, people are processing the loss of a dream — of a perfect, harmonious union with their soul's counterpart. You might also be grieving the fact that this person could come back at any time and you have no control over reunion.
There’s also a loss of a supply of deep connection, being seen, a feeling of home, and pure hope.
Once people dealing with such heartbreak recognize they are in a grief cycle, they may become empowered with the awareness that they can choose to release their attachment to the heartache and pain. (You can move through this!)
This is not to say that they will forget their incredible twin flame experience or even erase the connection but rather, they consciously choose to set their partner's spirit free by doing necessary spiritual, emotional, and amends work.
We can not spend years mourning them. (I lost 4 years!) Losing the most important person in your life can consume the rest of your life. No one can ever replace them. But I hope you have a small part of you that wants to have a life of love and happiness.
The 6 steps below modify the material presented in The Grief Recovery Handbook and can help you even if they didn’t text you back, you decided to move on or if your conversation with them didn’t go well. Any disappointment and grief trigger can be handled with this outline.
The Grief Recovery Process:
I promise myself: In order to “let go” and begin creating room in my heart for something new - (positive feelings, a stable soul connection), I will make an effort to do these things as often as I can and take time to journal my thoughts around each of these concepts:
Take Responsibility for My Role in Keeping Painful Cycles Alive
If you can apologize and say “I’m sorry” for your part in the relationship’s struggles or its end, then you can take some ownership of what has happened (or how you’re continuing to react to the loss/pain). This will release a tremendous amount of guilt and allow your heart to let go of painful feelings.
If your journey with your twin flame has felt like nothing but heartache, you want to address that feeling now and apologize to yourself for harboring pain and negativity, for continuing to engage in patterns that work against your well-being, or for not seeking support after the process began to cause ill feelings.
It can feel like we have no control in our twin flame connections, but we do and we must take ownership for our lives.
If you feel as though you have been taking out your pain and disconnecting from others, apologize to them for doing that and commit to having more awareness of that in the future. Perhaps you’ve lost sleep and haven’t been available or present to your friends and family through the years you’ve focused on your twin.
Breaking promises to yourself on your recovery journey is a way to further abandon yourself. So making a change here is important to changing your life for the better.
Relevant apologies are unique to each individual. Be willing to look within. Find possible behaviors and thought patterns you believe may be harmful and apply this new logic to begin letting go.
Forgive Myself and Others for the Pain That Has Been Caused
Forgiveness work can even include forgiving a lost partner for not being ready for the connection, or it might look like forgiving them for causing such heartache by leaving after you have become attached.
Perhaps you have to forgive yourself for feeling like you didn’t do enough or that you caused your twin flame to not want you. Perhaps the universe let you down by not giving you want you needed.
Forgiveness is an essential part of healing from a twin flame connection – this cannot be stated enough.
When you can forgive (either yourself, your twin flame, whoever is blocking reunion, or God), you lighten the heavy emotional burden that is so characteristic of this type of loss in the first place.
Befriend the Heavy Emotions
Sometimes we cannot quite fully get to the forgiveness place, but we can commit to understanding and diving into the pain, fear, or resentment caused by the loss.
Common grief you feel is from your twin, your inner child’s loss of their best friend, the collective’s abandonment pain, or your ancestors.
We want to dive into these parts of us and find out what they need, where they came from, and what would help them. Befriending pain is the key to helping it release.
A specific common pain cycle for twin flames is trying to understand what is happening for the other person. We might start to obsess over emotional blocks and issues. The obsession often leads to strategizing on how we can fix them or want less from them so they won’t be so scared. Spinning in trying to understand wastes years, but is common in twin flames.
This act of befriending and then releasing the specific heaviness of the lost connection can lighten your heart significantly.
List What You’re WILLING to Do to Keep Moving Your Life Forward Along This Path
Specifically, are you willing to read healing materials and commit to answering reflective journal questions regularly? Are you willing to practice reframing what appears to be setbacks? Or can you be willing to remember the aspects of your own life that you love when you learn that (another) friend has found their soulmate before you? Can you commit to stopping watching tarot readings or meeting with physics? Can you commit to finding a way to close off their telepathic communication with you? Can you stay curious about the definition of a twin flame and allow your journey to be unique?
Often just holding on to who your twin flame could be can be a lot of work. Drop the image of their higher self and who they could be if they would open to love. The healed version of them may never happen in this lifetime. It might not even be what they want.
If you are committed to finding love and true partnership in this life, you must be willing to drop a twin flame that can’t do that for you.
What are you willing to do for healthy love?
Committing to changing the aspects of your specific journey that aren’t reflecting your “best” will serve you well. Practicing what you’re saying you’re willing to do creates a PIVOT on the journey.
Let it Mold You vs Destroy You
Specifically, see if you can find gratitude for this process and the lessons that you’ve learned throughout your life. When we experience and survive painful events, we are transformed in the process. Though you don’t necessarily want tragedy or trauma to happen, in hindsight, it’s easy to see how these events and the wisdom that you learned have shaped your personality into who you are now.
This kind of experience doesn’t happen to everyone. And most people do not end up with their twin flame. You aren’t alone.
Being able to find gratitude for the lessons that came as your life shifted reveals the higher understanding that will benefit you later in future relationships.
Who did you meet on this journey? Which spiritual gifts do you have now? Which childhood wounds did you think were healed, came back? How did you have to grow up?
Acknowledge Extreme Thoughts and Feelings That Persist Where the Loss Is Concerned
Obsessive and extreme thoughts are hallmarks of twin flame relationships. These are the feelings that, when you are left alone, can make you cry and make you want to not live anymore.
Make a list of these thoughts and acknowledge all the ways in which the loss creates feelings of worry, fear, insecurity, impatience, uncertainty, heartache, or disappointment. Some examples may include:
I worry that I will never find my true love.
I’m afraid my heart can’t heal from this.
I’m scared that I won’t experience a deep connection again.
I’m sad/angry because I knew we were meant to be.
I feel angry when I see other couples happy together.
As we approach our grief in this stepwise way, we leave no feeling unaddressed. This type of thorough introspection gives way to outstanding amounts of relief, as you are – at last – able to let go of the pain of loss, making room in your heart for new love and possibilities.